No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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