She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
