Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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