Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
