you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
