Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
