Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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