Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
