I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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