Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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