I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
