That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
