Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
worst night to have a conscience
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
