You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
