His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
