So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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