i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
