Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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