he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
