ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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