does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Randomize
