It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
