OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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