I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
