from now on my penis is your penis
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
