what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
me + whiskey = a bad person
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
