Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
