My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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