the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
How does it feel to date your dad?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
