I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
