Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
