I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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