There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
