.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
