Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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