Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize