i already hear my dad disowning me
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
