Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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