i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
