Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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