i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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