your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
