Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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