____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
