Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
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