peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
