The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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