Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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