So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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