just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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