somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
