The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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