Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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