i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
