bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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