He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
