You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
