I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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