He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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