youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize