last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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