my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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