i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize