Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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