Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
