I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
