dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
