the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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