Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
