please come you make the beer taste better
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
