is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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