Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The best revenge is premature balding
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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