I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
