Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
